An honest voice, a broken spirit.

Funny that my senior quote was, "An honest voice will always rise above a crowd." I've lived by the mantra of being an honest woman, an honest person. Now that I've entered the adult world, in this world, the risk of honesty is not possibly losing my 'coolness rating,' it is of losing my job and friendships of others. This new world is full of moments where honesty comes at a significant cost. 

Last month I took the leap; I was honest. In the moment, my palms were sweating as my boss approached me about problems in our office. As I sat, with deer-in-headlight wide eyes, my trembling voice spoke Truth. As I went home, feeling like I'd stabbed a friend in the back, while solving a serious issue, I thought, "shouldn't taking the high road be more satisfying? Shouldn't I feel like a better person because I was honest?" But indeed, I didn't feel better. I still don't.  But it was the honest thing, the right thing to do.

Here is the thing about honesty. I've found that I may not have peace with those at work who know watch their backs because they figure I'm on the lookout for bad behavior. But I have peace with my Savior who asked me to be honest. I was asked a question, and I answered.

But here is my question, should one ALWAYS be honest? I've been fighting myself for more than a month now with the inevitable truth-teller's guilt. Does it boil down to values? Does it boil down to work environment? Or just my personal convictions?

If my honest voice rises about a crowd, aren't I supposed to feel like I'm on the top of the world?