Indonesian Lullabies

I learned an Indonesian Lullaby once and it stuck with me. I loved being whisked away by this foreign language and having no idea what was being sung, but the melody was cathartic. It was whimsical and soothing and made the world around me feel, 'right'.

Lately in my life I haven't felt much. Not too excited about much, not too driven to do much, and not too thrilled to achieve much. I wish I could find another Indonesian lullaby to sweep me off my feet and take me up to dreamland. It's been too long since I've just relished in passion and drive. As lame and depressing as this post sounds, I assure you, I'm happy. I'm just tired of gliding lethargically through each day. I'd like to be wrapped up in something so wonderful that it depletes all my energy to fight through and make a difference in something. I want to be wound tight again and taken back to the time and place where there was a deep heart-aching purpose. Where, like that old Indonesian lullaby, I had no idea what was happening, but I knew it felt right and good and beautiful. Like when dancing for no reason made perfect sense. Or when laughing at nothing was a perfectly good reason to laugh. I'm searching for that Indonesian lullaby...I'll keep you posted.

Woven.

It takes many years for a blanket or rug to be woven into a masterpiece. It takes thousands of strands and thousands of hours invested into it. It takes patience, determination, and vision for someone to complete it. I'm realizing this lately; I am being woven, I am not the mastermind behind it. I am not the weaver; I am the blanket in progress.

I am an achiever. I am a do-er. I am the one who always puts in the effort, who makes the dream come alive and who brings others' dreams to reality. But not today.

I've recently taken a step back to observe who I am. I've been trying to fit all the pieces together into what I think I'm doing and where I'm headed. But maybe, for now, I should focus on the fact that I'm a growing and changing blanket and everyone and everything in my life is shaping me into something greater than I can even imagine, so maybe it isn't my job to figure it out just yet. I've been too focused on where the thread needs to go and what color should be used next and how it must be executed for the 'perfect' final product. And as of late, I've taken a step back to witness the beauty of this blanket that is being created by my life.

I'm finding comfort, today, in the big picture. Not in the small idiosyncrasies or imperfections. And today I see a blanket being woven, not all of the hard work and details that must be just right. Today I am appreciating the work in progress.
I am being woven and I'm not finished just yet.

I'm leaving the analysis for another day. The expectation to be a 10 can come on another day. Sometimes we need to take a step back from all of the 'I need to...' and take a look at ourselves and say, 'I am.'

And today I'm not focused on my end product; I'm focused on the fact that I'm being woven, and I am going to just leave it at that, for today.