Stewie. My dog.

I am a human and I'm distraught over a dang dog, which is why I'm almost embarrassed to write this post. But at the same time, this dog was one of the greatest gifts I've ever received. I'd dreamed of getting a Great Dane for most of my adult life....and my darling husband let me get one this April; and his name is Stewie.

You have to understand, we don't have kids, so Stewie immediately became my little man. I dote on him left and right. We go for runs/walks in the morning and I come home at lunch to snuggle with him and at night we all play together... this is our little family. I know I sound dumb to those of you with human children, ha, but you have to understand that he is my child at this point in my life. He demands my attention, and I'm happy to give it to him because I love him so much.

Well. After many tests and weird behavior from Stewie, we found out this week that he has bone cancer. Just typing that makes me feel so stupid because he's a DOG, but at the same time, typing that brings me to tears...he is the closest thing I have to a child at this point in my life.
We've been given options that include amputation and chemotherapy...and of those, they will only EXTEND his life a year at best. This is non-curable.

We are not some couple who has $3,000+ to put into a dog....to add a year to his life (max.). We can get some meds for him that will reduce the pain while this disease continues to spread through his lungs, but it will only help the pain, nothing more.

Today, my full-of-life Stewie laid on the couch for 10 hours. He is showing symptoms that he is in pain...I don't know what we should do. My husband, Brent, has been amazing through all of this. Where I am usually his partner in coming up with logical explanations and conclusions about life, right now I am an emotional train-wreck...something I'm not used to. Part of me just wants to amputate just in case he is the miracle child who survives and lives a beautiful life....he's only 4 for goodness sakes!!! But deep down I know that it just won't help.

So here I am, faced with having to put my dream dog/pet/son down within a week of hearing he is sick. To make matters worse, it's my birthday on Saturday. So do we do it early this week so I can enjoy my day or do we do it at the end of the week so we have the weekend to digest it?

I can't process his death just yet, so right now I'm trying to just get through RIGHT NOW. And he's laying next to me with his head on my lap snuggling me on the couch...sleeping. What a beautiful 6 months it's been...